My kids went back to school today. So did the rest of Fairfax, I know, but my kids going back is important because they are my kids. One daughter started High School - ugh! - and the other started Middle School. Naturally it got me thinking of my own High School and Jr. High experience. We went from being the average Catholic family in a very - almost exclusively - Catholic community to be being ultra conservative Christians. No more movies, rock music, and don't even think about school dances. Can you say awkward? How about outcast? I don't blame my parents for how much I hated those years - at least not any more. Rather than stand up for what I believed - none of those rules incidentally - I chose to blame my parents. The fundamentals of what they believed, God as Creator, Savior, and the promise of a home in heaven based on my faith in Christ not on the "good" I could do, were and still are, real to me. It was just the other "stuff" that I had a hard time with. And it's also when I lost my mom. She's not dead, don't get me wrong - she just completely immersed herself in this new faith, and my Mom disappeared. I still had my mother -she did the laundry, meals, booked dentist appointments, but my Mom was gone. Vanished. Almost overnight. I used to come home from school and stand in the kitchen and talk about the inane details of my day, things I'm sure were ridiculous to her, but she made me think they were important. Suddenly every conversation carried immense weight. It all revolved around the Bible and what kind of witness I had been that day. This was at a time that I - arguably - needed her more than ever. I was a teen for crying out loud. I needed my Mom, not just a mother. It's a huge difference. I am determined it will be different for my girls. We've done "Best Thing/Worst Thing" since my oldest was in K-5. It's an easy way to start a conversation and find out how the day went even on days there isn't much to say. Believe me, there have been lots of days where the answer was Lunch/Math - always in that order.
I know I am old and not cool anymore - like I ever was - and I have the power to punish : ), but I want my kids to know they can talk to me about anything. Seriously. I know I am naieve and there are things I won't know until their kids tell on them, but it's important to try. It's also where people like my friend Ber come in. It's good to know they can ask her things they're too emabarrased to ask me, and know she'll not only give sound advice, but protect their confidence unless they're in danger.
Right now, I'm the old lady among a lot of my friends, and I hope we're a good example. Not that I think for a minute I've got it figured out or we don't embarrass ourselves on a regular basis, but I hope that at least somewhere along the way, they see us and think, "I look forward to that". My oldest told me this afternoon her French teacher toatlly mumbles, she had lunch with Jenny today but won't tomorrow because her lunch period changes like, everyday, a kid in her French class and his dad got stopped by a motorcycle cop on her way home from school and the boy looked like he wanted to cry, she has PE first period - "oh MY GOSH - so Gross Mom", and she saw Lauren today but only said "Hey" because it was kinda wierd and so they didn't stop to talk. Best thing? Lunch. Worst thing? There wasn't one, but it would have been Math if she had Math today. Anything interesting in that list to you? Me neither. Isn't it awesome?
7 comments:
I totally understand about the whole mom thing. Not being immersed in the Bible pressure stuff-but the not really BEING THERE for me. And that is one thing I look forward to yet fear the most-those teenage years. B/c I never experienced a positive relationship with either of my parents from about middle school on. I think you and R. are doing a great job. You guys can totally all hang out and have fun as a family, yet they respect you enough to know not to cross you. I certainly look to you guys as an example. And by the way, we have never thought of you as old. Only wise.
That was Natalie... I always forget to specify.
Ok, I just started crying while reading this... now, remember everything has been making me cry tonight BUT still I can relate to so many things you said here. 1)My mom and I were the closest mother/daughter duo I've ever known until she remarried my sophomore year of college when I was just learning how to be a mother myself. 2)I SO want Punky and I to have the relationship you have with your daughters. Of course I want that with LG, too, but there's just something irreplacable about the mother/daughter thing that I don't want to lose. Ohhh I'm getting long-winded. I think I need to blog about this whole thing sometime so I can stop boring you and bore everyone! :)
YAH for post s like these. It is possible to be a christian w/o immersing yourself so much that you get lost - YEH someoneelse that "gets that". and 2nd - how awesome that you talk to you teens and want to help them develop and that you remain their mother and not try to be they best friend. They will thank you immensely one day and you will profit in a huge way!
Tracey- you are the coolest I know. I feel like you and our husbands have the weirdest conversion/Christianity upbringings possible. I am so glad that I chose my faith. I think that's the trick in parenting - making it "their" choice instead of you own. Of course,not really letting them choose, but you know...
Your mom sounded like my mom. Our relationship is so different now but the past still creeps in.
I want to be you when I grow up. I want to be an amazing mom. By the way, I would NEVER consider you my old lady friend. I hope I can consider you one of my best friends.
LOVE YOU!
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