Sunday, April 20, 2008

Rollin' Bones with Dinosaurs

Let me begin by saying I have never rolled a bone with dinosaurs - or humans - but I thought this was really funny. I tried smoking in high school but could never get the hang of it. This is one of those BBC/IFC shows I don't brag about watching - especially to my church friends. Sometimes it's the funniest thing and I laugh out loud - on the other hand, every once in awhile something pops up that makes me tell Jesus I'm sorry. I watched this episode on one of those "holy crap it's 3:45 and I'm stll awake" inomnia nights and it struck me as ridiculously funny. Maybe you won't find it as funny, but who knows...

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Woodland Spider

Needed something to make me smile today - Cary over at List Of the Day - - posted this a few days ago and I laughed out loud. Growing up in Canada, during commmercial breaks, Hinterland Who's Who would come on. I don't think this is where the Wildlife Foundation was headed when they were created, but it's by far my favorite. Hope it makes you smile. And stay away from the crack spider.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Are You Kidding Me?

Okay, heard a disturbing report yesterday. Ascots on men are in. Seriously? The only men who can get away with ascots are Fred from Scooby Doo and John Waters. One is a cartoon, the other is, well, he's John Waters. The boys from Panic at the Disco wore ascots for their SNL appeance last week, and so did some guy on American Idol - sorry - don't watch the show so I can't remember his name, only the look.

It got me thinking how slavish - is that a word or am I pulling a DRS and creating one? >: ) - we are to what someone tells us is in. Not for nothing, remember when straight guys decided what was hot or flattering on a woman? Looking back on some of the trends I whole heartedly emabraced I have to laugh, then I stop and pray I have the courage to just say no in case they come back. As a teen in the 80's, I have much to be ashamed of.

Legwarmers. Yeah - the closest I came to Flashdance was walking past a construction site. I wasn't fooling anyone.

Shoulder pads. I'm 5'2" with DD boobs. I looked like a minature linebacker. What an unflattering silhouette. Lets take the one good feature I had, a tiny waist, and smother it.

Speaking of smothering, how 'bout leggings? Unless you were a dancer, you ended up with legs that appeared to be stuffed into sausage casings.

Acid washed jeans. Like Billy Ray Cyrus, they should never have been created in the first place. A skid mark on denim that will last forever.

Speaking of Billy Ray, the mullet. Now arguably, the mullet's been around longer and like a cockroach, won't die, but I believe the boys of the 80's raised it to an art form. Bruce Mac Neil had one I lusted over my entire High school career.

Headbands. Not the preppy hair band, but the sweatband/headband thingy from Olivia Newton John's "Physical" video. Yeah, I was rockin a blue and white terry cloth number with a gold thread running through it. Jealous much?

Big Hair
. I'm torn on this one. On one hand, big hair was easy for me - perm the crap out of it, tease the crap out of it, then spray the crap out of it with Aqua Net. There is a hole the size of TX over a tiny village on the east coast of Canada and it's my fault. On the other hand, it was a lot of work. See steps 1-3 above. And, it resulted in potentially dangerous eye-threatening situations. For instance, if you leaned in to tell a secret to a girlfriend, you could lose an eye on her bangs. Stranger things have happened. True story - I couldn't wear the headpiece I wanted for my wedding because my bangs were too high.

Big earrings. I'm not talking hoops - I'm talking satellite dish sized hunks of plastic that gave us lobes like those tribal women in rural Africa. At least for them, the droopy lobe thing is considered sexy. Here, not so much.

Jelly shoes. This abomination is back. How do you make a smelly part of your body smell worse? And, can we add painful blisters? That'd be great, thanks.

White panty hose. Lets think, I'm a white girl of Scottish descent living in a community that frequently had snow from October to May - summer usually lasted for 15 minutes on a Thusday in July ... how can I make myself whiter?

Enough - this is worse than I thought. I didn't even get to the "Independant-Baptist-Pastor's-wife-plaid-jumper years". I need to go lie down. How about you - what do you never want to see or will you never wear again?

Friday, April 4, 2008

Hell's Jukebox

Maybe this would be Hell's ipod? Is there even such a thing as a jukebox anymore? I don't know...anyway, I've had "ear worms" plague me this week. Are you familiar with the term "ear worm"? It's the songs, commercial jingles, random music that gets stuck in your head and it WON'T GO AWAY no matter what you do. You listen to stuff you like, but as soon as it ends, the ear worm creeps back. It's the song that runs in your head when you wake up at night to go pee. The muzak that follows you out of the elevator. The soundtrack to your dentist appointment - that level of annoyance or pain. Some of these you've may not have heard of, but they are songs that someone - "Hello Mrs. Chisholm! Fourth grade music teacher!" - exposed me to & have never really gotten over it. It's like musical baggage. I feel like I've ranted about this before, but whatever, it's my blog, I'll re-rant if I want to!

Here's a partial list of what plagues me:

1. Lovin' You - Minnie Ripperton. I've said it before and I'll say it again, there are sounds the human voice was never intended to make.

2. Muskrat Love - Captain & Tennille. Rodents. Sex. Squealing. Enough said.

3. Watching Scotty Grow - Bobby Goldsboro. Was everyone in the 70's this lame-tastic? Really anything by Goldsboro makes my teeth itch.

4. Jolene - Dolly Parton. For some reason I associate this song with going to catechism on Sunday mornings in my Dad's giant tan Bel Air. Nuns & Dolly Parton. Yeah. That makes sense.

5.Stewball - Peter, Paul & Mary. Thanks Mrs. Chisholm. I swear to God if I get brain cancer there will be a direct link to this song. Who makes a bunch of 4th graders sing "Old Stewball was a racehorse and I wish he were mine, he never drank water, he only drank wine..."

6. Gypsies Tramps and Thieves - Cher. Or maybe Sonny & Cher, I don't remember - all I hear is her in my head. What a God awful piece of 'art' this is.

7. I'm proud to be an American - Lee Greenwood. I swear that song makes me want to throw puppies in a wood chipper.

8. Friends are Friends Forever - Michael W. Smith. For those of us 'churchies', you know this one. Shut. Up.

9. Billie Don't Be a Hero - Paper Lace. I'm beginning to see a pattern - I hate 7's music.

10. Candy Man - Sammy Davis Jr. Ewwwwwwww.

There are tons more, but my OCD demands my list be in increments of 5's. If I add one more then I'd have to do 15. Then 20. You understand.

How about you? What makes you mental?

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

I'm A Little Lad

For someone who watches 99% of her TV through Tivo and rarely sees TV advertising, I do love me a funny commercial. This is an old one but I just ran across it on YouTube again, and was reminded of how much I enjoy giant leprechauns or gay time travellers - whichever category buddy here falls into. Either way, it makes me laugh.