Hey - started a new blog. We're getting ready to move to Toronto next year and I thought I'd try something a little different. I'm keeping "A Little Mischief" - it's been fun. : )
The new blog is "Pay no attention to the woman behind that Pastor".
http://paynoattentiontothewoman.blogspot.com
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Jesus Movie Spoofs
I didn't create these and I know they've been around for awhile, but htey make me laugh EVERY TIME. It's how most of us view Jesus isn't it? Glad it's not accurate.
"Frank, you know what you did. I just can't repeat it because I'm Jesus."
"Frank, you know what you did. I just can't repeat it because I'm Jesus."
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Prank Wars
I'm not a big practical joker, but these are epic. I'm amazed at the commitment level.
And this is Streeter's response..
And this is Streeter's response..
Friday, March 6, 2009
A little someting for the single ladies...
Let me begin by saying I am not responsible if you A. Wet your pants laughing, B. Vomit on your keyboard or C. Poke out your own eyes. That being said, enjoy.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
FreeBird
My Pastor closed out a series of talks on "CHANGE" this morning. We closed out the series with FreeBird. I think our band was amazing.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Happy Valentines Day! Man Cold
Small Town Mom http://smalltownmom.blogspot.com/posted this and I thought it was HILARIOUS! If your husband (brother, son, father, insert male figure here...) has ever had the sniffles, this will make sense.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
IGOR - Music Break
I watched the movie Igor with my husband and kids last night and I laughed out loud at some of the lines. What an overlooked movie. This movie made for a really fun evening at my house and we'll be tossing lines like "blind orphans get everything!" at each other as inside/family jokes from now on.
It had a great soundtrack - pretty varied, but a fun playlist.
Thought I'd share some of the music, and if you haven't seen the movie - it's only an hour and a half. John Cusack, John Cleese, Steve Buscemi, Eddie izzard, Sean Hayes, Molly Shannon, Jennifer Coolidge - these are funny people.
I Can See Clearly Now - Jimmy Cliff
The Bigger the Figure - Louis Prima
Pennies From Heaven - Louis Prima
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Stuff Old People Like
My friend Brian sent this - THANK YOU! Hilarious!
From the site The Deep Friar
Here's the link...
http://deepfriar.wordpress.com/2008/07/08/more-things-old-people-like/
Big Cars
Have you ever driven a Buick or a Lincoln Continental? The slightest touch on the gas pedal will have the car zooming at 75 mph without you even realizing it. These cars are a dream for cruising down freeways at high speed.
Well, seniors just LOVE these cars. (Mainly, because they’re the only ones that can afford them!) But unfortunately, Grampa Jebediah or Old Aunt Gladys never drive these cars the way they’re supposed to be driven.
Instead, they proceed at a turtle’s pace. No wonder we call these cars “Boats”.
What a freaking waste of engine power.
I have a suggestion to the car manufacturers: Get rid of the V6 200-Horsepower engine, and replace it with a tiny putt-putt motor instead.
You’ll save a bundle on production costs, and your customers will never notice the difference.
All-you-can-eat Buffets
The Old Ladies especially get into this.
First, they’ll hover over all the different trays and admire the presentation and arrangement of the steaming food.
Next, they’ll debate over what to eat. After about 10 minutes they’ll finally start to painfully pick and chose every food morsel as if it was Christ’s Last Supper.
What next? Dear me, that pasta noodle looks good. I think I will try an olive next….Hmm…shall I have a meat ball?
These old biddies always seem to place themselves in front of the hungriest customer in the restaurant (namely….ME!).
I swear it’s deliberate.
When I can finally get around these culinary ding-dongs, it takes me about 5 seconds to slap the food on my plate and return to my seat.
By the time I’m done eating and going back for seconds, the Food-Gawkers could still be trying to fill up their first plate.
Short Hair
When women get to a certain age, they often get the classic O.B. haircut (O.B. being short for Old Bat)
You know the style. The hair is so short it’s almost a Marine brush-cut. For a slight trace of femininity, the top of the scalp might reluctantly be allowed to have a few curls.
For God’s sakes, WHY would anyone want to deliberately look this way?
My theory is that once a woman gets old enough, they achieve BAT status and no longer have to worry about dolling themselves up to look good. They’re too old to date and/or their husband is too old to be unfaithful and leave them.
So instead of messing with curls and bangs every day, they opt for the hairstyle that takes zero maintenance.
The Old-Bat cut is especially popular with the larger women.
Nothing like a closely-cropped scalp to make the head appear smaller and make the body look even more huge than it already is.
It’s only a matter of time before they start to shave themselves bald (and won’t the grand-kids just love THAT?)
Polyester
My mother once pointed out the “Polyester Ladies” to me as a kid. (Thanks, Mom!)
Once women reach that certain body mass, they’ll opt for the loose, comfortable clothing that fits all sizes. And Polyester, being that wonderful petroleum-based fabric, comes in all kinds of bright pastel colors.
It’s the perfect accessory to wear with the O.B. cut.
Hats
Wearing them is mandatory. Especially when driving.
You can see men start to do this in their 50’s. Once their aggressive driving days are behind them, they’ll start sporting a leather cap with a visor.
That’s the “Apprentice Hat” which they’re required to wear for several years while they gradually reduce their driving speed.
Once they’re the slowest driver on the street (and they’ve physically shrunken to the point where you only see their knuckles grabbing the steering wheel), they become a full-fledged Gray Head driver. At that point, they’re allowed to wear a full Fedora.
Someone too old to drive has attained Senior Gray Head status. They’re relegated to the back seat and as a sign of respect they no longer have to wear the hat.
They just coach the more junior Grey-Heads up front who are still driving.
Stories about Sickness and Death
When seniors approach their twilight years, they’re increasingly aware of their own mortality and hence feel the need to share their fears with you. Which basically involves endless misery stories about unfortunate people you don’t know and will never meet.
“I was taking to Mrs. McGillicuddy down the street…her cousin’s mailman had leprosy of the bowel. It was an horrible surgery, he was in the hospital for 16 weeks, and now he’s in a wheelchair and can only go to the bathroom while standing on his head and playing the accordion…
….but his daughter takes care of him. But then she got Jungle-Rot fever of the brain, and it ate our her eyes. So now she walks around the house with a seeing eye-dog, with empty sockets where her eyes used to be, trying to care of her poor father. But then the dog had to be put down because it strangled on the colostomy bag hose. It’s very sad, actually…”
(Okay! Okay!….I GET it!….Life sucks and we’re all going to DIE!….can I please go kill myself now?)
Sandal and Socks
The quintessential old-man stereotype: expensive leather sandals with black knee-length socks.
I’m trying to figure out where this came from. When did people EVER dress this way? Even back in the 1930’s …was this style EVER fashionable and cool?
I’m guessing…NOT.
In fact, I suspect that is was NEVER cool to wear sandals and socks together.
NEVER in the history of the whole planet.
It must be a phenomenon seniors invented. Because they could.
Small Dogs
The smaller. the better. And make they’re hyper and nippy, and hate everyone except the owner.
Bonus points, if it’s a wussy dog that needs to sweater to go outside.
The Mandatory Pilgrimage to Alaska
Okay, imagine every RV in the Lower 48, from Alabama to Wyoming, traveling up north.
Now imagine all these RV’s funneled together onto the only paved road within 500 miles.
Welcome to Alaska in July.
This Grey Invasion takes over the whole state. The average tourist age is about 72, because it’s mainly the elderly who who can afford the time off to travel up there.
The only 20-year-olds you’ll see are the ones working 15 hours a day in the restaurants and tourist traps, to serve the RV-crowd the Blue-Plate specials and Senior Discount Coffee.
If you want to visit Alaska un-crowded, my advice is to head up there in mid-August. By then, the nights will have started getting a bit chilly, and the Vast Grey Exodus reverses itself, as everyone starts heading south again.
Gigantic Sun-Glasses.
You know, the really big ones. That wrap almost all the way around the head, and cover half the face.
Why don’t you just get a welder’s mask, at this point?
Bag-Pipes
At a certain age, it’s like a dormant switch gets turned on:
“I’m old…Gee, it’s time I started liking the Bag-Pipes”.
This caterwauling sound tends to make all Seniors nostalgic and misty-eyed. Even the ones who never fought in a war, or who have no trace of Scottish blood, whatsoever.
If I ever start liking bag-pipes, you’ll know it’s time to put me down.
Lawn-Bowling
Seriously. Have you EVER seen anyone under 75 lawn-bowl?
Again, I think the age-related switch gets suddenly turned on, and people suddenly feel the urge to take up the game.
Same thing applies to square dancing…
Metamucil
If there’s one thing seniors don’t mess around with, it’s Number Two.
I used to stock shelves in a drug store. Believe me, this product was a big hit with the over-65 crowd.
(Anyway, I know my Grandma loved it).
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Chevy Nova Award
This list/post is not original or written by me. It is however - hilarious!
it's from Marketing Failure http://marketingfailure.blogspot.com/2007/09/funny-marketing-fiascos.html & I found while working on a project for work. It didn't apply to the project, but it was too good not to share.
These are the nominees for the Chevy Nova Award. This is given out in honor of the GM's fiasco in trying to market this car in Central and South America. "No va" means, of course, in Spanish, "it doesn't go".
The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read "Are you lactating?"
Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea."
Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."
Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "Manure Stick."
When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the labels of what's inside, since many people can't read.
Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.
An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I Saw the Potato" (la papa).
Pepsi's "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave" in Chinese.
The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Kekoukela", meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "kokou kole", translating into "happiness in the mouth."
Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate."
When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." The company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant!"
When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its "Fly In Leather" campaign literally, which meant "Fly Naked" (vuela en cuero) in Spanish!
it's from Marketing Failure http://marketingfailure.blogspot.com/2007/09/funny-marketing-fiascos.html & I found while working on a project for work. It didn't apply to the project, but it was too good not to share.
These are the nominees for the Chevy Nova Award. This is given out in honor of the GM's fiasco in trying to market this car in Central and South America. "No va" means, of course, in Spanish, "it doesn't go".
The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read "Are you lactating?"
Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea."
Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."
Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "Manure Stick."
When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the labels of what's inside, since many people can't read.
Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.
An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I Saw the Potato" (la papa).
Pepsi's "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave" in Chinese.
The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Kekoukela", meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "kokou kole", translating into "happiness in the mouth."
Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate."
When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." The company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant!"
When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its "Fly In Leather" campaign literally, which meant "Fly Naked" (vuela en cuero) in Spanish!
Friday, January 30, 2009
25 things...
Fertilized! I accept the challenge!
1. I married the only boyfriend I ever had.
2. I am proud to be Canadian & look forward to moving to Toronto.
3. My kids are my proudest accomplishment. They are teens & we still have a great relationship. I don't just LOVE them, I actually LIKE them.
4. There are incidents from my past I will take to my grave.
5. I am very grateful for my faith. It was the only thing that got me through the death of my father. If I didn't know I would see him again in heaven, I don't know how I would have coped.
6. When I had cancer & went through radiation, I had nightmares that were so vivid I woke up crying and was awake for the rest of the night. I have never had nightmares like that before or since.
7. I think my cancer scar is a badge of honor.
8. I'm intimidated by every new person I meet & still intimidated by many of my friends. I constantly worry what people think of me. I think you are better than me because you are thinner, smarter, wittier, have better hair...
9. My husband refers to my mother as "the spoon" He's right. She is constantly stirring things up.
10. My nanny (grandmother) is closer to my heart than anyone other than my husband and kids. She took on the role of Mom to me when I was a teen. Her health is failing, she has Alzheimer's, & I am terrified of her dying.
11. I am a really cook cook. I am a decent baker, but a really good cook.
12. I performed well below my intellect and ability in college. My GPA sucked.
13. If I could do it all again, the only thing I would keep the same from my wedding is my groom.
14. I graduated from Bob Jones University. I am not proud of that.
15. I am a crappy friend. My husband is my best friend - i don't look for fulfillment in relationships with girlfriends.
16. I hate to talk on the phone.
17. My first kiss was with Jimmy Shearer, He had a very sexy Tom Selleck mustache.
18. I love mysteries - books, movies, TV.
19. I will never trust anyone named Timmons again. I know it's a ridiculous generalization, but it is what it is.
20. My high school English teacher had a crush on me. He'd probably be in trouble today.
21. I honestly believe I am capable of murder when it comes to protecting or avenging my daughters.
22. My dog Sophie makes me happy. She was a comfort during my cancer treatment.
23. I don't read my Bible or live out my faith like I should.
24. I regret not standing up for myself years ago. My mother & mother in law should be very grateful I have been a coward.
25. I think random movie stars are sexy - like Arnold Vosloo from the Mummy, 24. Brad Pitt, meh, not so much.
Cranberries
We used this song as part of the service at church on Sunday - yeah, my church isn't like most churches - we're way better. You should have been here the week we did Pink Floyd. This week it's a little Lynyrd Skynyrd Freebird. But, that's a post for another day...check us out at LoudOnPurpose.com
Anyway, Dreams has been running a near constant loop in my head since - it's one of my all time favorite songs. Dolores O'Riordan has such a uniquely beautiful voice.
Thought you might enjoy it too.
Anyway, Dreams has been running a near constant loop in my head since - it's one of my all time favorite songs. Dolores O'Riordan has such a uniquely beautiful voice.
Thought you might enjoy it too.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
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