Explain to me...

1. Why are there 12 hot dogs in a pack but only 8 buns?

2. What is Steve Miller talking about when he says he's "the pompadous of love" in The Joker? What the heck is a pompadous anyway?

3. Why does a 5 year old from London reciting the alphabet sound more intelligent than I do quoting Shakespeare? Damn that accent.

4. Why will my dog drink from the toilet and the pool but not from her water bowl if there's a hair in it?

5. Why do my children only vomit at night?

6. Who do I talk to about not hearing about or seeing Britney's vajayjay ever again?

7. Why does my mother think whispering "cancer" or "unwed mother" makes it less than what it is?

8. Who's idea was it to put an "s" in lisp? Isn't that a little mean?

9. Why does the bank charge me for insufficient funds IF I HAVE INSUFFICIENT FUNDS? Aren't we beating a dead horse? And who beats dead horsses anyway? What's that about?

10. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (This one kills me! It isn't original to me, but I had to add it)

11. Why do toasters have a setting to create charcoal?

12. Why does my gyno leave the office while I disrobe from the waist down when he's going to see more than I do when he gets back?

13. And finally, what's it supposed to mean "can't have your cake and eat it too"? What's the point of having cake in the first place if you're not going to eat it? Especially if it's Ber's grandma's Rum Cake.