Next to "Why don't we carpool!" no phrase strikes more fear & loathing in my heart than "I know! Let's do a White elephant" gift exchange. I am not one that fortune smiles upon and I usually end up with the pot holder your son made for you instead of the Yankee candle that smells like Santa. I'm not that competitive, but apparently I am greedy, petty and jealous based on my reaction.
There's no polite way to get out of it really. Honestly, no matter how valid your reason, you'll look like Scrooge. But I have discovered a way to enjoy the game. When your Sunday School teacher, Small Group Leader or Ladies Missionary Society leader invites you, this is how to play. You'll NEVER be invited to participate again.
1. Booze it up. Nothing stops a Baptist party faster than alcohol, or Satan Water as I've been told the Southern Baptists like to call it. Better still, take one out of that six pack and tell them "I owe you one."
2. A wallet. Not a new wallet. One of the guests wallets'. You gotta be quick, but while their back is turned, slip into their purse, grab that wallet & drop it a gift bag. Then, enjoy the awkwardness of "Wait, what? is that my wallet?" This is most effective if you snag the bag of the hyper-pious church lady who is directing the game and insisting that this is FUN!
3. Goldfish - A real goldfish - not the snack. Where's the fun in that? Besides, poodles are too hard to wrap.
4. Underwear - The less appropriate the better.
5. All your (or your really zealous neighbor's) leftover campaign stuff. Yard signs, bumper stickers...it's all good. In a church setting, this works best if it's pro-Democrat, but either way, you're guaranteed to make someone feel awkward.
I'm sure there are others, but that should get you started. Have fun!
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5 comments:
I grew up tagging along with my parents to these. It wasn't their favorite thing either. Everyone thought it was so funny when my dad, the pastor ended up with a garden gnome. Of course, he didn't really want that. He found a perfect way to get rid of it though because there was a house in our neighborhood decorated with garden gnomes everywhere. One night he secretly put it in their yard, and it stayed there for many years! We didn't know them, and they probably never knew where it came from. I'm sure he made their day. Good riddance!
Girl that was hilarious!! I needed that laugh this morning.
Angela
Now I want to have a white elephant exchange just to invite you ;) Wait, was that not your intention??
jill - you bet - and i'll make sure elexa gets more of those cool mc cain/palin stickers she came home with last night!
Very funny. I LOL'ed at the wallet. Good stuff, Tracey.
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